I was out to lunch with my old professor from undergrad. We had a very deep discussion about life, men, marriage, and sex. The one thing he told me that stuck out was that we as women have the power to say no. If the man cannot take no for an answer, the outcome for him is never good. It can go from the female totally tongue-lashing him to him ending up in prison for being forceful. Having heard this, I had to reflect once again on past life in the past. I have dealt with quite a few men who were forceful, but I still had the power to say know. Unfortunately back then, I did not realize this. The consequence I suffered was a tarnished name.
As I reflected, I was upset with what I have done, but happy that I had the ability to change my ways and clean up my act. I figured the next time a man decides to approach me on some nonsense, I will simply tell him no and if he continues to pursue me, I will have to snap at him for not taking my answer seriously. Some men have to learn to take no for an answer, while women have to learn to say no. We can't worry about what the man will think of us, especially when he is not thinking of how we will look at him. Saying no can save a lot of us from various types of danger. I had to bump my head a few times in order to fully realize this. It all goes back to what I discussed in my other blogs, being that if we disrespect ourselves, others will do the same to you. Also, one will treat you only how you allow him/her to treat you. IF you are sick of being seen a certain way, stop doing certain things. If you are sick of being mistreated, don't allow for another person to do it. We as women say we want a good man, but once we get one, we play him for a man who will end up playing us. The word Karma rang a bell in my head. The crazy thing is, we knew how this man is, but we put it in the very back of our minds thinking he would not do harm to us. Another crazy thing is that we think we can change a grown man. If we see that he is no good and continue to be that way, why waste time. Plenty of us have set ourselves up for failure in sooo many ways, and we have the nerve to wonder what is wrong with us. This was a harsh realization for me, but I had to come to it at one point. That point is now.
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Your professor was right on the money with those advices he gave. Women should never make excuses for men and their behaviour.... if these men treat their women in a way they do not deserve, it is up to the women to put their men in their places.
People will treat you the way you allow them to, so it's best for women (and men too) to set boudaries or 'train' their partners, at the very beginning of a relationship that has potential to develop into something more serious. By doing this, we let our partners know what we will and wont put up with. They can always find the exit door if they dont agree. :-)
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